Impy 2, Waterbed 0

OR
The Top 15 Reasons NOT to Get A Ferret

Okay, I don't mean to sound discouraging, but there are a few things you should know if you're planning on becoming a ferret owner. So I'm going to share some of the down-side of keeping ferrets as pets, and let you decide.

Freya helps spackle

  1. They are mischievious... and you thought CATS were curious. Ferrets will get into and onto everything they can reach, just to see what it is.

  2. What's that? It's mine now!! Ferrets collect exotic items, from rubber bands to dice to pencil erasers. We once moved our futon to find a box of matches, candle-stub, box of .22 ammo, and cache of ferret chow -- survivalist ferrets? At various times, shoes, wallets, and computer mice have all gone missing, because a ferret decided they were cool.

  3. Vet bills -- No question, it's tougher to find a vet who is both competent and willing to deal with ferrets. They're small, and harder to anesthetize for operations, for one thing. Check with a local group for recommendations.

  4. The food problem -- Ferrets get sick if fed catfood or dogfood. Mine get the best -- "Totally Ferret" made by Performance foods -- at a premium cost, since we have to order it from the vet.

  1. The Odor problem -- well, in my humble opinion, they smell better than my friends' cats, and quite a bit less than some dogs I've met, but it's an *exotic* odor. Your mileage may vary... but get used to the occasional comments from guests. There are shampoos that help.

  1. Lifespan -- Sorry, ferrets are only warrantied for 6 to 10 years, tops. Lots better than a hamster, but nowhere close to cats.

  2. You found her WHERE?!? Ferrets are long, skinny and flexible. They're designed for tights spaces like rodent burrows. Females, especially, can get into or out of spots that will amaze you. They can squeeze under doors with less than 3/4" clearance. They can fit easily into holes you can't get your hand into. And the thing is, these are a ferret's favorite places.

  3. Escape Artists -- Out the door like a flash! Up the dryer vent. Through the screen door. Ferrets like the outdoors, but as far as I know, have no "homing instinct." Once outside, life expectancy is just a day or two. If the neighbor's dog, cat or car doesn't get them, the neighbor him or herself may mistake your pet for a nasty rat and kill it by mistake. Educate them -- your chances of getting your pet back will go up a lot.

  4. Gravity Testing -- I think it's an ongoing scientific study. If they can get to stuff on the table, it's on the floor when I come back. Mugs MUST be tipped (it's a rule, I think) and soda cans get hauled downstairs and punctured multiple times. Our male doesn't wait for help -- he hauls empties out of the recycle like it was his toybox. And if he gets his fangs on an unopened one, well, he kills them!

    Freya investigates bucket

  5. What's in the bottom of THIS? Cute, when they're digging books you just bought out of the bag. Not so cute when they're spraying dirt and bits of prized houseplant all over your computer's keyboard.

  6. Rugs -- Give it up! Area rugs are also known as "cool things to burrow under." You won't win this one.

  7. Nest... HERE! Your ferret WILL occasionally find a novel place to bed down, thus starting an exciting game of hide & seek. You may be late for work, but the critter is nowhere to be found. The best hiding spot to-date for mine was inside the guts of the stereo speaker, nestled amongst the fiberglass. Your only hope is to make ferret-appealing noises, then pause frequently to listen for the faint rustle of the ferret turning over to ignore you in its comfy new bed.

  8. Ferrets and furniture -- NO RECLINERS!!! Your ferret WILL crawl into it... and have you seen the scissors-action of the innards? EWWW! Same goes for sleeper-sofas. I've had the best luck with open, high sofas & chair with pillows and no "body" they can burrow into.

  9. Sex and the Single Ferret -- got a girl? Watch out -- when she goes into heat she WON'T come out by herself. In fact, she'll die without your help (or a male's). Fix her, breed her, or talk to your local ferret-service for weirder solutions (like breeding with a vastectomized male to take her out of heat without a pregnancy).

    Got a boy? Sorry, this option isn't much better -- unneutered males smell worse and can be more aggressive, especially to other ferrets.

    Face it -- pet ferrets need to make that visit to the vet, and EARLY! unless you're willing to cope with the consequences.

  10. Children and ferrets -- I would not recommend introducing a ferret into a household with a child under 6. And when introducing a baby into the ferret's household... well, expect jealous behavior. (I didn't say "Don't do it" -- just be aware.)
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